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Real Fake News.
The phrase "fake news" used to describe stories that weren't true. Then a president made it mean whatever displeased him. Then it became a brand. Then it became a business model. Then it became an industry.
We are Real Fake News. We are openly, deliberately, transparently making this up. There are no anonymous sources at Mourning News, because there are no sources at all. There are no leaks. There is no reporting. We have not been to Washington. We are not interviewing senators. We are sitting at a desk in a smoky internet cafe in Shenzhen.
This is, we contend, more honest than what most outlets are doing.
Truth has been dead for some time. The current president did more than any single person to kill it, but he did not act alone. Most major media organizations joined the work. Algorithms helped. Billionaires wrote checks. And — let's be honest — you helped, too. You don't want the truth. You want stories that confirm what you already believe. Told to you by sources that flatter you. In a tone that makes your enemies look stupid. We're not going to pretend otherwise. The only difference between us and the others is that we're being honest about being dishonest.
Like anybody with half a brain, we are unapologetically anti-Trump. We will not be fair. We will not be balanced. We will not "consider both sides." When the facts and the satire diverge, we'll pick the satire. When the satire and the facts agree — and they often will — we'll add a dick joke and call it journalism.
It's not the news.
It s'not news.
Welcome.
Dr. Bixby Ulysses Slater III, Esq.
Editor in Chief
May 2026
