Table of Contents
It’s not news. Allegedly.
The "allegedly" is for legal reasons. Allegedly, we are not a real news publication. Allegedly, every word that follows is untrue. Allegedly, we are sitting at a desk in a newsroom.
In reality, we are in my mother's basement.
We use this language because it no longer means anything. Real news outlets put "allegedly" in front of well-documented facts to avoid lawsuits. Shady new outlets put it in front of known lies for the same reason. CEOs are "alleged" to have committed crimes for which they have been convicted. Presidents are "alleged" to have done things on tape, on video, in public.
The legal hedge has eaten the language. We are simply finishing the meal.
There are no anonymous sources at s'not news, because there are no sources at all. There are no leaks. There is no reporting. We have not been to Washington. We are not interviewing senators. We are, again, sitting at a desk, typing away in my mother's basement. Okay, a tray table. This is, we contend, more honest than what most outlets are doing.
Truth has been dead for some time. The current president did more than any single person to kill it, but he did not act alone. Most major media organizations joined the work. Algorithms helped. Billionaires wrote checks. And — let's be honest — you helped, too. You don't want the truth. You want stories that confirm what you already believe. Told to you by sources that flatter you. In a tone that makes your enemies look stupid. We're not going to pretend otherwise. The only difference between us and the others is that we're being honest about being dishonest.
Finally, like anybody with half a brain, we are unapologetically anti-Trump. We will not be fair. We will not be balanced. We will not "consider both sides." When the facts and the satire diverge, we'll pick the satire. When the satire and the facts agree — and they often will — we'll add a dick joke and call it journalism.
It's not the news.
It s'not news.
Allegedly.
Welcome.
Dr. Bixby Ulysses Slater III, Esq.
Editor in Chief
May 2026
