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TOLEDO, OH — A constitutional auditor was escorted out of a Toledo Applebee's Tuesday night after a bartender declined to serve him a thirteenth beer, ending what he described to twenty-three livestream viewers as "the longest active streak of constitutional compliance in American history."
Brent Stuckey, 41, who operates the YouTube channel Pour Man's Audit, had arrived at the restaurant to celebrate his 2,000th consecutive successful Twenty-First Amendment audit, a process that consists of entering a licensed establishment, ordering alcohol, drinking it, and belching the words "audit passed" while wearing a GoPro.
Tuesday’s audit failed at approximately 11:40 p.m., when bartender Dana Hurd cut him off. According to witnesses, Stuckey had spent the preceding hour requiring nearby patrons to state their names “for the record,” asking Hurd to initial a laminated audit log after each pour, and observing a moment of silence for “the fallen speakeasies of Lucas County.” At one point in the men’s room he attempted to effect a citizen’s arrest on a man at the urinal next to him while he, himself, urinated all over the wall.
"I cut him off," Hurd said. "That's the whole story. He'd had twelve."
Stuckey responded by reading aloud the full text of the Twenty-First Amendment, which repealed Prohibition. He then demanded the bar "produce its constitution," informed nearby patrons they were witnessing tyranny, and challenged a cardboard cutout of retired NFL tight end Rob Gronkowski to "settle this the way the Founders intended."
Witnesses say the fight lasted five seconds.
"The cutout won," said patron Melissa Arroyo, who recorded the encounter from a nearby hightop. "He swung, it sort of fell into him, and he went down. It wasn't close."
Toledo police arrived at 11:58 p.m. A police report described the suspect as a white male wearing a T-shirt that read "The Pour Man." Officers advised Stuckey of his right to remain silent, which he formally declined to invoke, on camera, before narrating his own arrest in real time, including the make, model, and location of his vehicle, the number of beers he had consumed — "almost thirfteen" (sic) — and a brief overview of his finances.
"He waived everything," said Sgt. Paul Demko of the Toledo Police Department. "At one point he Mirandized himself, incorrectly, and then answered his own questions, violating his own Fifth Amendment rights.”
The department declined to characterize the incident further, except to confirm that the Gronkowski cutout sustained no damage and remains on display.
Applebee's general manager Rick Tibbets said Stuckey is banned from this and, he believes, all Applebee's locations until 2031, a figure Tibbets arrived at "by feel."
Stuckey has announced the audit will be logged as "inconclusive."
As of press time, the livestream remained active, broadcasting from the back of a Toledo police cruiser, where Stuckey had begun a Sixth Amendment audit.
