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DAYTONA BEACH, FL — A Florida man who allegedly lost consciousness on Daytona Beach for 34 hours has shattered all known vitamin D records according to medical professionals who described his condition as both “aggressively nutritional” and “a dermatological emergency.”
Local man Brent Holloway, 28, was discovered face-down in the sand Sunday evening after what witnesses described as “a very long nap.” He was surrounded by dozens of empty Bud Light cans.
“When we found him, we were obviously concerned,” said Daytona Beach lifeguard Cody Ramirez. “He wasn’t red. He was plum. The paramedics checked his vitals and one of them said, ‘I’ve seen healthier skin on a rotisserie chicken.’ I remember that because I was hungry.”
Several nearby beachgoers were briefly moved farther down the shoreline after paramedics expressed concern that Holloway’s body appeared to be not only storing, but possibly re-emitting sunlight. “Secondhand UV exposure has been entirely theoretical up until this point, but we didn’t want to take any chances,” said paramedic Sandra McDermitt. “He was glowing.”
Doctors at Halifax Health confirmed that Holloway’s vitamin D levels were literally off the chart. “Most adults are looking for somewhere between 20 and 50 nanograms per milliliter,” said Dr. Marla Pennington, holding up a blank chart. “Holloway’s vitamin D level came back at 6,912 nanograms per milliliter, or exactly one Brent, as the guys in the lab are referring to it.”
According to witnesses, Holloway arrived at the beach, alone, around 6:30 a.m. Saturday with a folding chair, a cooler that was “at least 96 quarts,” a bottle of Fireball, a vape pen, and what friends described as “a real commitment to not checking in with anybody.” By around 9:15 a.m., he had removed his shirt, announced that sunscreen was “for pussies,” and entered what experts now believe was a dangerously prolonged state of unconscious wellness.
“Honestly, we thought he was just tanning,” said beachgoer Lisa Fenton, who spent most of Sunday afternoon twenty feet away. “Like, really tanning. At one point a seagull landed on him and he didn’t move, but that's Florida. You mind your business.”
Holloway’s family said they were relieved he survived the ordeal, though stunned by his sudden status as one of the most nutritionally complete people in the southeastern United States.
“We’ve been trying to get him to take a multivitamin for years,” said his sister Danielle. “Turns out all he needed was catastrophic sun exposure and no adult supervision.”
Medical staff noted that Holloway also suffered dehydration, heat exhaustion, second-degree sunburns over roughly 82 percent of his body, and sandal-shaped tan lines so distinct nurses had to double-check that orderlies had removed his footwear. Still, physicians say the vitamin D achievement cannot be ignored.
“Was this safe? Absolutely not,” said Pennington. “Was it medically advisable? God no. But from a vitamin D standpoint, this is a breakthrough. Let’s put it this way: It's highly unlikely Mr. Holloway will ever develop osteoporosis.”
The Council for Responsible Nutrition has already issued a statement warning Americans not to attempt to replicate Holloway’s results, emphasizing that vitamin D is best obtained through reasonable sun exposure, diet, or supplements — not “blackout-based dermal harvesting.”
Nevertheless, Holloway has become something of a local celebrity, with several Daytona Beach vendors now selling commemorative T-shirts reading “Where’s Brent?” and “I got more D than Brent in Daytona.”
As of press time, Holloway was awake, extremely confused, in severe pain, and reportedly asking if anyone had seen his vape. Asked how he felt about setting a national health record, he squinted toward the hospital window and said he was "pretty sure the sun and I are one now."
