Mexico Renames Strait of Hormuz the "Strait of America"
“It’s Trump’s fucking mess,” President Claudia Sheinbaum told reporters outside the National Palace. “He should own it.”
Dr. Bixby Ulysses Slater III, Esq.
Editor in Chief
Nutley, NJ
Scientists Identify Part of Trump’s Brain Responsible For Exaggerating Numbers By 300%
Suspected neurons appear to intercept all quantitative values coming into the president’s speech center, say neuroscientists
Man Who Passed Out on Daytona Beach for 34 Hours Shatters Vitamin D Records
Florida man discovers the worst possible way to become nutritionally complete
Report: Shakira’s Hips Lied
“We need to haul her ass in here and ask it the questions the American people deserve answers to," demands Representative Jim Jordan.
Trans Males Absolutely Dominate Iron Man’s Inaugural “Homemaking Triathlon”
Biological men demand investigation.
Correction: Wayans Brothers' "The Fast and the Furriest" Not Generating Oscar Buzz, Per Se
s'not news wishes to issue a correction regarding our coverage of The Fast and the Furriest.
SPAM Marketing Team Quietly Abandons Email
After years of what insiders describe as “a complicated relationship with the medium,” the brand has pivoted to what a spokesperson called “more reliable channels.”
Sliding Door Berates Florida Woman in Unhinged Rant
"I'm not even black," said Funt, who is obviously Caucasian.
God Drops Bible 2
The surprise sequel includes ten additional commandments, a foreword by Bob Ross, mixed Goodreads reviews, and several passages legal experts say may be “challenging for the Trump Administration.”
Wayans Brothers' "The Fast and the Furriest" Generating Oscar Buzz
The film has not yet been rated by the MPAA, though early descriptions strongly suggest a fun night in for the entire family.
Kellogg's Announces "Special RFK" In Partnership With HHS
Kellogg’s new government-backed cereal contains no seed oils, no added sugars, and "no artificial racoon meat."
Pentagon Releases Declassified UFO Footage Straight to Streaming
The 14-hour Tubi exclusive arrived with no press screening, a 6% on Rotten Tomatoes, and praise from critics whose recent recommendations include "Madea's Arbor Day" and "The Fast and the Furriest."
